Nirvana at Ninety KMPH

Dear Readers,

This is my first ever blog. Please bear with me for any mistakes I may have done.
Thanks anyway.

I share a common trait with old and unmaintained vehicles, we have starting problems. We never start doing anything until some one pushes us to do so.
Like many others I know, we need our mom to wake us up. We need our friends to push us forward. We need our managers to tell us to complete our tasks. Being stuck to this nature, I need a push to do whatever is needed to be done which brings me to this topic in hand – Nirvana at Ninety kmph.

Being a Gemini by birth, I am blessed/cursed with sort of a split personality. Its an eternal battle between these personalities who cant seem to come to an agreement over anything. While one seeks future, other hangs on to the past. I find myself lying with my eyes wide awake at nights thinking, why am I the way I am. What is that about me, which makes me what I am? What could I have done better? But these have remained questions from the days I started questioning myself. I always needed someone to answer these questions for me. But this time, I resolved to find an answer for these questions myself and it was high time these conflicting personalities signed a truce and let me(neutral me) be in peace. And what better way to do some soul searching if not on top of two wheels.

From as far I can remember I have been obsessed with driving and riding my motorcycle is my favorite hobby. Each time I grab the handle of my trustee CBZ, the feeling is new. Each time I take the same corner at the end of my street a new chill runs down my spine. Roads have been rebuilt , tyres have been changed, but the thrill hasn’t worn one bit.

The moment I fancy a ride, my trusty(rather dusty) old black denim comes out of its closet. What good is a highway drive if the drive is deprived of some good highway numbers? My humble phone and few favorite songs, more than makes up for that.

On an empty piece of a highway, I start my journey slowly, I see the motor spinning at its best 4000 rpm, and the clock reading a modest 60kmph. Its that part of rev range which I have used the most and its bound to be that way. How pleasing is this wind which is blowing through the bottom of my helmet. 

There is something about the wind passing through me which opens that part of me where I store my fond memories and the demons I fear to face. Slowing down for a second, I down shift hard enough to jolt me and break open the box of memories I am looking to relive and face during this journey. I can now hear the heart of this machine screeching as it hits the 6000 rpm mark which just launched me into its modest torque band. Taking it to 7000rpm, I zoom into the top gear.

The world seems so different when I am doing 80kmph on this highway with wind trying to be louder than the music I have going to my ears. I cant help but notice how everything and everyone around me are just entities that are staying with me for not more than a second. My memories are pouring out of the room, which the jolt opened. While I am desperately trying to pacify the vibrating handlebar, I am losing all the memories which are coming back at me.

I command the engine to go give me all its got and rev the engine to as far as it can go without undoing itself. In a second, I am doing 90kmph and I come to notice that suddenly everything around me seems so quiet. The vibrations which rattled me are no longer there. The trees beside me who whizzed past few seconds ago, doesn’t even seem to be moving anymore. Even the blast of wind which was deafening the music is now singing along. And the memories which were earlier escaping, feels as though is now riding with me.

But the memories which I was looking for were those which would answer the question I was looking the answer for. But the dam which contained my memories now broken, its hard to concentrate on the memories which I want to remember. Its then I open the visor of my helmet which lets the 90kmph wind hit my face. Hit would be a crude word to use to explain something which brings in so much joy. The wind washes away those memories which I seldom want to remember and what remains is just a sweet train of thoughts and memories which I cherish and also those which teach me something.

Its then I hit that part of the highway where I have to cross an underpass. Somehow the timing is so impeccable that I entered the tunnel when I had just collected those memories which I was using to learn from my past mistakes and I see that the world around me is so dark. At this point of time I cant help but wonder why is that my life is being spent in a dark tunnel where nothing and no one is visible. Why is my life so empty? Why is that like in this tunnel, I have so many people around me but am not able to recognize them? Just when I start to lose myself in these questions, I see a spec of light at the far end. As I edge towards it, I start to realize that God closed all the doors but did leave a window ajar which I have to just realize. If night can give way to day, if fall can give way to spring, is it really impossible for life to get right some day? As I move towards the end of this tunnel I start to realize, its really not that impossible. And as I cross the end of the tunnel, I look back at the tunnel through my rear view mirror and find that the tunnel actually helped me realize the lesson I had set out to learn. It did answer the question which I had set off to answer. I feel that I just emerged a better person. 

It almost feels like NIRVANA which the dictionary means to be “A place or state characterized by freedom from or oblivion to pain, worry, and the external world.”

This is what I fondly refer to as NIRVANA at NINETY KMPH…..

Ajeya.